# 1 Tip to Tap with Kids and Clients Who Refuse to Tap
The number one frustration I hear from parents and practitioners is, “I wish my kid would just tap! I know how much it would help him!”
Last week I shared how I struggled with OCD as a kid.
I was open to some of the tools my mom pushed on me like meditation and yoga, but no way was I giving up my Saturday morning to go to an EMDR therapist.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: A form of eye movement that releases stress related to trauma. It’s the same eye movements I teach in my Level 3 Expert EFT Workshop.
Last week I shared it wasn’t until I learned EFT and the EMDR-like tools that my OCD finally disappeared.
What I didn’t share was that my mom knew about these EFT/Tapping and EMDR from the beginning, I just wasn’t open to using them.
My grandma had been tapping since the 70s.
My mom had begged me to go to her EMDR therapist, but I refused.
In short, if your kid is resistant to tapping with you, trust their timing: One day they might just be teaching YOU how to do it:)
My mom most likely rolls her eyes when she sees me teaching another EFT workshop:
The girl who screamed at her: “I’m not going to therapy! I’m not wierd like you!” As I ran into the backyard with my rain boots, princess dress, and no umbrella, pretending I wasn’t drowning in anxiety.
What can you do if your kids are reluctant, but you know tapping would help?
Tap on yourself.
I know it’s hard, but we can’t force someone to tap if they’re not ready.
Something magical happens when you put your face mask on first…
when you tap on how YOU feel about your kids (or client’s) state.
I believe in the power of tapping on yourself first so much so that I named the first module of my EFT for Kids Workshop “putting your face mask on first.”
Tap on your desperation or frustration regarding your kid’s struggles. It sounds something like this:
While tapping the face points.
“I know how much it would help them
I wish they would just tap
They’d feel so much better
It’s so frustrating
I’m worried for them.”
If you tap like this for 5, 10,15 minutes these words won’t sound triggering.
The feedback I get from students who complete the “face-mask-first” module is incredible.
I tapped last night and my son’s symtpoms were gone this morning.
I tapped on my fristration last week and last night at dinner my teen was telling me about the tapping app he downloaded.
I worked through my worry and today I could peacefully eat dinner (for the first time) even though my son’s schoolwork was all over the living room! It doesnt even feel like a problem anymore.
Did you know that when you’re stressed, 80% of the blood dreams from your brain?
A lack of blood flow makes it hard to show up for your kid.
As the blood flows back to your brain and your adrenals relax…
Their situation might feel less high-stakes.
Your emotions will feel less consuming.
Creative solutions and alternate ways to support them will replace desperation and demands.
You might feel more trusting in their healing process.
Or you might stop thinking they have a problem altogether.
For example, I have moments when I desperately wish my son could tap away his big feelings. I feel frustrated: He’d feel so much better if he’d just let me tap with him.
Then I remember to put my face mask on first:
I tap on my desperation.
Does his situation change? No
Do his feelings change? Sometimes, but not always.
More often, his feelings and issues run their natural course, but they feel less personal, less threatening, and less forever.
I remember: This too shall pass.
I laugh: I was the very kid that refused help (and I was ina much worse situation than my son), and look at me now.
When we put our face mask on first and focus on our feelings (instead of or kids), we create space for our kids to feel theirs without the rush of our agenda.
Kids are smart.
However loving our desire to help our kids (or clients), they can feel our desperation.
Besides igniting their inner rebel to refuse help, unaddressed desperation can read as a need to “fix them.”
Speaking from experience, I internalized my mom’s desire to “fix my problems” as a loud inner voice that said, “There must be something wrong with me.” And do you know how many times I paid a therapist to help me rewire that one? LOL.
Here’s the truth: We can’t control if our kids want help.
We can control how we help ourselves.
Instead of trying to get your kids to tap, try this: However long you wish they’d spend working on themselves, tap on yourself.
Face Mask First Tapping Might Sound Like:
While tapping the side of the hand:
It’s hard to watch them struggle when I know how much better they could feel, and I have compassion for myself and how I’m feeling
They feel x which makes me feel y, and I have compassion for myself and them
I feel x knowing they struggle with y, but I’m open to trusting their timing
While tapping face points:
I feel x
They feel x
It’s hard not to worry
I wish they’d be open to help
It’s frustrating
It’s upsetting
It’s upsetting because I care
At first, these words might cause more tension to rise in your belly if you are used to stuffing it down. Keep breathing.
Stay persistent.
Keep tapping.
The worry will dissolve.
If it doesn’t, it probably means there’s a short or long history of events making it hard to shake the worry.
If so, learn to tap on the memories that make your worry worse.
I’m here as a resource.
I teach students how to tap on past memories and how to tap with kids in my Level 1&2 Online Course and go more in-depth creative ways to work with resistant kids in the EFT for Kids and Teens course.
But, the most powerful way to tap on them is to tap on yourself.
Trust me when I say: Even the most resistant children might surprise you with how open they eventually are to help.
In the meantime, want to “tap in” the famous serenity prayer?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace
Tapping with you,
Jackie
P.S. This is the anniversary of the day that changed all days for me. On March 2nd, 1993, my big brother died. It launched my mom into the healing world and me into a world of OCD, but inevitable healing.
During my maternity leave (a season to honor mommas who create and change lives) many of my offerings including level 1,2,3 workshops are discounted.
May the reduced rates support you in caring for yourself the way I know you care for others.
