How to Not Let Raising Your Rates Block Clients
Let’s say it together: I’m not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You’re not responsible for their feelings.
Their pain.
Their ability to pay for my services.
I wish I could tell this to the 24-year-old version of me struggling to make her business go. Intellectually she already knew this. Emotionally, it was easier said than done:
If a client was not elated at the end of a session, I felt like I hadn’t done my job well.
If a client had a realization about their childhood with only 10 minutes left during a session, I would let the session roll over 30 extra minutes without compensation.
If a client came to me with 6 problems, and we only had 3 sessions, I felt pressure to help them break through all of them at once.
What ties all of these scenarios together is the sense that I was responsible for my client’s happiness.
It took years to understand what I AM RESPONSIBLE for, but I’ll share that in a minute.
Meanwhile, I was working with my practitioner on releasing blocks to success. She had me explore my limiting beliefs and sense of worth.
After one important session, she challenged me to raise my rates. Not wanting to disappoint her, I raised my prices to over $150 per session. I was excited, at first…
Then, a client called. After a 20-minute discussion, she was motivated to work together. The moment came to say my price:
Me: Me: “It will be $500 for a 3-session package.”
Client: Great, how do I pay?”
Me: I’ll send you the link now. What’s your email?
I emailed her the payment link, but instead of feeling excited, I felt dread.
The pressure was on.
When someone pays more, they expect to get more. The next time someone asked, It old them, but I offered a sliding scale and discount.
How was I blocking myself from a higher income?
Some might blame performance anxiety (feeling anxious to deliver on your promises) or imposter syndrome (feeling underqualified for your role).
I can see now it’s Secondary again.
Secondary Gain = The upside to staying the same even if part of you wants to change. In other words, the GAIN or Payoff of charging less than $150.
Ask yourself: What’s the upside of my situation (or finances) staying the same?
For me, the upside of making less money was less guilt, pressure, and responsibility.
The less I charged, the less guilty I had to feel if a client didn’t feel happy after a session. They didn’t reach their goal? Well, they only paid $75, so that is OK vs. They didn’t reach their goal? Oh shit, they paid $300 I must be a fraud.
See what I mean?
Higher rates = higher guilt.
I believed I was responsible for my client’s success and happiness. I had been conditioned, since childhood, to feel like their problems were my problem to fix. By raising my rates, I was signing up for more pressure (which subconsciously I pushed away by not marketing myself or holding higher prices).
It wouldn’t be until I discovered this belief, and the childhood moments that wired it, that I could book out my weekly calendar at double the rate without dread, guilt, or the pressure to make anyone feel better.
If you grew up in a home where other people blamed you for their feelings, you might be repeating this pattern in your work. You might be taking on unnecessary responsibility for their feelings.
In some roundabout way, the desire to free yourself from this pressure might make you resist marketing yourself or raising your rates.
Here’s the truth: Like a nutritionist helping someone lose weight, you can only give the meal plans and offer the workout suggestions. It’s up to the client to go grocery shopping and drive to the gym. The nutritionist is responsible for sharing helpful resources that help the client help themselves.
It is not your job to fix your clients.
Can I share the definition of responsibility that changed my career?
Responsibility = The ability to respond to something.
Being responsible for someone is not the same as being to blame for their problems.
Client’s Feelings: Blame says you need to fix their feelings vs. Being responsible means you’re able to respond to their feelings by offering tools and compassion.
Client’s Financial Struggles: Blame says you need to offer them discounts even though discounts make you unable to pay your mortgage. Being responsible for their financial situation means you’re able to respond to their lack of finances with payment plans.
Ask yourself:
Step 1: What do I feel responsible for when working with a client?
Common examples: I feel responsible for making them happy. Getting rid of their anxiety. Helping them succeed. Helping them release x. Helping them reach y.
Step 2: If they don’t get this result, how do I feel? Guilty? Like I should give extra free sessions? Like I should lower my rates?
Step 3: Make a list of what is and is not in your control in each situation. For each, write one reminder about how you can respond to it: “I can’t control x, but I choose to y.”
Example: I can’t control if they like the session, but I choose to set expectations upfront about what I can and can’t offer in one session.
Example 2: I can’t control their feelings, but I choose to give them tools to help themselves with these feelings.
Example 3: I can’t control if they can afford me, but I choose to create a payment plan.
Bonus: Write your responsible choice on your clipboard or add it as a daily reminder on your phone
Tapping Bonus: Tap and repeat your choice 3 x per day (after each meal).
Dive deeper: If you know the related childhood moments that taught you to take responsibility for other people’s feelings, add them to a list. Tap on them.
Learn to tap on the childhood memories that taught you to take responsibility for other people’s feelings and choices. Only once you teach your inner child that they are not to blame for other people’s feelings, will you stop taking the blame as an adult.
On pages 8&9 of my Heal Your Inner Child Ebook, I share an exercise that can help you reprogram the childhood events at the root of these triggers. When you can go back to these moments and reclaim them from an adult perspective (i.e. I am not responsible for their feelings), you will start to see your clients and your worth very differently.
Instead of finding your worth in your client’s session-to-session mood, you will find it in your ability to respond to their mood compassionately and professionally.
Speaking from experience, not blaming yourself for their feelings is freeing… and makes you one hell of a lot better practitioner.
I hope this crosses your path at exactly the right time.
If you have questions about the Inner CHild Ebook or Workshop, I’m an email away at jackie@theeftmasterclass.com
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